Wishful thinking

Looks like my stalker would like to see my blog gone. Sorry to disappoint but WP has not removed it. Unlike some people, I have a life that sometimes gets in the way of writing blogs. If you have nothing to do but harass others and denigrate others I guess this is all you have. Sorry to inform you my blog has not been removed it is very much alive. Maybe your blog should find something more interesting than me to discuss.

Stop making such an ass of yourself.

donkey's ass

 

Green Eyed Monster

It grabs you silently by the heart

Gives you a sudden start.

Fending off yet another

Possible, maybe lover.

Sexting, email all are suspect

Loss of all your own self-respect.

Chase them down give them misery

Such is your sad history.

Look in the mirror long and hard

Shatter your love shard by shard.

Can’t admit it is he that he cheated

and made your love defeated.

The list goes on and on it seems

Shatters all your dreams.

The spikey tail of jealousy and its’ sting

You cannot cope, you cannot bring

Yourself to understand your love

Is not a sweet and gentle dove

But a poorly disguised rat

and it isn’t the others that

Betrayed you.

Dismayed you.

It was the viper in your breast

That destroyed your little nest.

 

 

Evil

Evil lurks

It twists and bends

Spreads hatred and misery

Cloaks itself like close friends

Reveals itself in history.

The Ides of March march on

and the evil reveals

Launches itself

on souls and steals

All goodness and light

Lives in spite and terror

Can’t look into the mirror

Or it will be destroyed

by its’ own black soul.

 

 

Welcome little spy

get smart phone

You think I don’t see you?

You think I am naive.

Slinking around on your belly

while your curiosity you relieve

Say hello to your little friends

I know they are here too.

I know you see

By the things that you do.

You are silly and strange

Bought really cheap

Information you arrange

To send them you creep.

The stalker can’t do it

The law won’t allow

So you do it yourself

You idiot cow.

 

 

The Charming Narcissist

Stop the Narcissist

It is hard to believe how well a Narcissist or Sociopath can fool people. It happened to me and several others. The woman was amazing. Funny, smart and really pretty. Each one of us thought we had found our best friend. Individually she groomed us. Made us feel special and important. The thing with a really good narcissistic sociopath is that they have an innate ability to hone in on what is important to you. They cannot feel and need someone to feed off. All they do in reality is put a mirror up and become that mirror image. Do you like her? Well hell yea because she has become you. She knows what is important, what makes you tick. She has spent a lifetime reading peoples emotions so she can mimic them. That is because she doesn’t have any of her own.
It is amazing how good they are at getting into your head. As time goes on you become comfortable. After all she is your best friend. You can tell her anything. This can be even more dangerous on social networks where you don’t get physical cues. They are able to create personalities. Before you know it you have told them your whole life story.
This is when it gets tricky you see they now have a loaded gun and you have supplied the bullets. They will manipulate you into doing things that perhaps you would not have thought of doing ordinarily. It is done slowly and expertly. Creeping into your mind. Now that they have you they will use you. They use you for their own entertainment. Gas lighting and changing the rules. Accusing you of doing things that astound you. This is how they get their emotions they feed off yours as you get upset by their accusations. Remember the bullets? Well now they use them. The secrets you told them are their weapons and they have no compunction about plastering them everywhere and twisting them.
Mine accused me of madness because I shared with her my mothers bipolar illness. The lies that came out were amazing. I am not the only one that this happened to. After a while I started talking to her other victims. It was a pattern. We banded together to stop her and we did. She cannot do her tricks as there are too many watching and warning.
The moral of this story is don’t share things that you don’t want to become public or that could be twisted with people you really don’t know. Social media gives these sociopaths masks to hide behind. Don’t be a victim. If a person in real life is too friendly too fast question why. Friendship is a thing that takes time and trust. It isn’t instant. I am lucky I got real friends from this experience. Others aren’t so lucky.

Vanity a cautionary tale

vanity tete Morte.jpg

In our youth we depend on our looks to attract a mate. We primp and polish and pose. Some never get beyond that stage. Most of us come to the realization eventually that there is more to life than that. The narcissist never does. When they look in the mirror they don’t see reality they see the youth and beauty that once was there. Living a fantasy of desirability and youth they see themselves above and beyond the mortal beings. The sad thing about it is they actually think they are better than others. Better bodies, smarter more beautiful by far and above everyone else. To this end they become alone. The sociopath is the same but they need the thrill of being adored so even though they feel everyone is not at their level they flatter them until they become an object of adoration. The victim is put up as the most brilliant, gorgeous, kindest best person that ever existed. What the victim doesn’t realize often times until too late is that the sociopath is just reflecting themselves. They are actually in love with their own being. If the victim adores them then they are worthy. That is until they become bored. A bored sociopath/narcissist can be vicious. They want entertainment so they shred, tear and destroy the object that formerly was the object of adoration. Most times they will convince the victim it is their own fault. They didn’t take care of themselves, they weren’t loyal enough, they had other friends, they are no longer desirable. This is the Gaslight phase of the relationship. As most sociopaths seek out the needy and sometimes Desperate and Dateless this can lead to very tragic results.

You see they need to destroy the object of their affection because being a narcissist they cannot possibly be wrong or mistaken in their belief. Therefore the object must be turned into something to make the narcissist the victim of being duped. Complicated? The mind of a narcissist is a rats nest of ego. There is no room for others and their feelings. They create and they destroy. Because they have no empathy others are only dolls to be manipulated and used. The object is nothing but something to be turned into an evil doll that they were mistaken in worshipping.

evil doll

Once that happens the sociopath is ready to be entertained. There is nothing they will not say or do to tear down their object. Accusations of sexual misconduct, illegal acts, abuse and other lies become common and are the weapons of choice.

The lesson in this is that if you end up in a relationship that from the first minutes puts you into an unrealistic pedestal take a good look at your friend or lover is it you they are in love with or themselves?  I leave you with the wise words of George Bernard Shaw.  Love should be love no matter what your looks become. Looks fade character grows.

Lost looks shaw

Who is the Bully what makes people do it? Are they Narcissists? Sociopaths or both?

bullied Miley Cyrus

http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/

Why do people do it? All kinds of people are victims. Even celebrities some of those more than others because of envy. They come from everywhere, all ages, genders, races and cultures. Sometimes they are people that have lost control in their lives so they can only find it in controlling and bullying others. Other times it is a way to fit in. Funny how a bully once they lose backup will fade away or back off. Others this is power and a way to get respect which they cannot get any other way. Fear is the only thing they know that gives them that respect. Others follow or friend a bully so they don’t become their target. Isolation is the weapon a bully uses. If another person is perceived as a loner or has few friends it sets them up to be bullied, Other times they come from homes where they are abused, ignored or are in chaos. They have no value at home so look for it in unhealthy or inappropriate ways. Many bullies end up using drugs or alcohol to subdue their pain.

Sometimes it is just that the person is mean an cruel that only feels good when they attack and cause others pain or harm. It is usually a pattern their whole lives. The odd thing is that new research has shown that bullies have excellent self esteem. They lack compassion, impulse control and social skills. Many are sociopaths and narcissists that can only feel by being extreme. The target is just that. Not a person but an object for them to ridicule or physically attack to make themselves feel anything.

Bullies have many aspects in common. They have a dominant manner and cast blame for the bad things in their life upon others. This is typical narcissistic behavior. The sociopath does it just for the sport and the target may even start out as a close friend or associate. The bully will build the person up and then tear them down for entertainment. Some people are predisposed to violence and aggression. While a lot of people are these are the ones that do not find healthy outlets for those predispositions.

People in the bully’s life also have an effect on their behavior. They may have a family that doesn’t care about them. On the other hand they may have parents that have become afraid of them and give in so they do not become the targets of their aggression. Discipline is either inconsistent or completely absent. When this happens the bully feels that there are no consequences to their behavior. It can be a matter of nature overcoming nurture. Another thing they have in common is they are attention seekers. Even if the attention is negative it is attention and that is what they crave. They never internalize rules or conduct or respect for any authority. So they run completely amok causing damage wherever they go until they finally go too far with the wrong person or get incarcerated for a crime against their victims.

Social media has made it easier for these people to do their bullying. Adults are bullied, children, even babies are made fun of because of their race or their looks. There are websites set up for just this purpose. The only way we can fight them and make people safe is to isolate them, make them know this behavior isn’t acceptable. Block them on social media if you see someone bullying someone else speak up. As a society we can protect the vulnerable. Help them find a safe place away from these twisted souls.

Protect from cyberbullying

NO ONE DESERVES TO BE BULLIED. SPEAK OUT. REPORT BULLYING TO AUTHORITIES AND TEACH KIDS HOW TO PROTECT THEMSELVES. 

You can stop bullying

cyber bully quote

Bullying of any kind is wrong but why do people do it? We all say we are against it but how many of you out there have said an unkind word about someone else? Why did you? All of us are guilty of bullying or being unkind sometime in our lives. If you gossip about others what are your children hearing? That it is ok to talk about others? To say things about how they are dressed, live, talk or their physical appearance? Think before you talk. If you see bullying online speak up don’t jump in and add to it. No matter who they are. People jump into situations when they have no clue why someone is doing or saying the things they do. Particularly online. It can be just a personal feud you are jumping into. The person you are defending may be lying. Denigrating and bringing others down is just plain wrong. So if you say you are against bullying make sure you aren’t guilty of the same behavior just under another name.

Children who bully others have seen it at home. Perhaps they are bullied where they should feel safe. Ever told your child things like “you are stupid” “you need to eat more of that?” “too bad you aren’t pretty” “sigh you are really dumb aren’t you”.

We all say things to each other in frustration but we need the 10 second rule. Think about what you say before you say it. Young people today are surrounded by bullying. They see violence everywhere, they have access to text, facetime, Facebook, Instagram as well. Do your kids use these? Do you know who they are talking to and what they are saying?? It is really frightening the number of parents who have no clue what their children are doing online. Are they bullies or victims? Find out before it is too late. Sit your children down and explain why bullying is wrong. You hold the key to your childs future. Bullying can have long term effects they can grow up to be shy and withdrawn or in the case of the bully they can become more aggressive as the high they feel from attacking others gets less and less. There is a lot of information out there. Get involved. See if there is an antibullying forum in your town or city or school.

Civilized people don’t bully. It needs to stop.

cyber bully dog

 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/United-Against-RIP-Trolls-and-Cyberbullies/217265875028974?fref=nf

One of the many antibullying pages on Facebook. Support them.

 

From Psychology Today

A significant number of youths are the victims of bullying, and the topic has been studied for decades. But online or cyberbullying is a newer phenomenon. It is a significant and growing problem, with reports indicating that up to 50 percent of school-aged children experience bullying via technology (Mishna, Cook, Gadall, Daciuk, & Solomon, 2010). For victims of cyberbullying, research has identified a wide variety of negative outcomes, including social, emotional, and academic problems.

Bullying (both traditional and cyber) is aggressive behavior that is repetitive, intentional, and occurs between two individuals with unequal amounts of power (e.g., physical size, age, social status). Bullying can take many different forms, including physical (e.g., hitting), verbal (e.g., name calling), and relational (e.g., excluding someone or spreading rumors). Young people engaged in bullying participate in different roles, including the victim and the bully, and there are a percentage of kids who are involved in the behavior as both a bully and a victim (bully-victims).

Cyberbullies use electronics, such as cell phones and computers. And, unlike traditional face-to-face bullying, the bully can be anonymous. The ability to be anonymous might increase the likelihood that youths will engage in the behavior. Furthermore, a cyberbully does not necessarily see the reaction of the victim, making it easier to engage in mean behaviors.

Cyberbullying potentially can be more upsetting for the victim because the bullying behavior might include a wider audience and be more permanent. For example, a harassing picture can be sent to a large group of people or posted somewhere for people to view for a long period of time. Cybervictims also can have a more difficult time escaping from the bullying. With traditional bullying, the victim might be able to leave the situation, but fleeing isn’t an option in the virtual world, where mean comments or pictures exist online or on technology.

The reasons and factors that influence students to engage in bullying online are multiple and complex.

Some studies have found that youth who bully face-to-face are also likely to engage in online bullying (e.g., Wang, Ianotti, & Luk, 2012). Thus, if a youth is bullying someone in person they might also be bullying others online. However, a significant proportion of individuals who bully online do not bully in face-to-face situations (Twyman, Saylor, Taylor, & Comeaux, 2010).

Other research has found that young people who engage in cyberbullying have lessempathy (defined as sharing another person’s emotional state) than students not involved in cyberbullying (Steffgen, Konig, Pfetsch, & Melzer, 2010). In a large study, 40 percent of students who engaged in online bullying reported not feeling anything after bullying online, while only 16 percent of the cyberbullies reported feeling guilty. Moreover, some students reported online bullying made them feel “funny, popular, and powerful” (Mishna et al., 2010).

Adolescent cyberbullies have been found to engage in other problematic behaviors as well. For example, they have been found to be more likely to engage in substance abuseand have higher levels of participation in school violence (Sourander et al., 2010; Wang, Iannotti, and Luk, 2012).

Peers, teachers, and parents also can influence the likelihood that a youth will engage in bullying online. Young people who believe other students are bullying online are more likely to engage in the behavior themselves. In addition, adolescents who believe the adults in their lives will punish them for bullying online are less likely to engage in the behavior (Hinduja & Patchin, 2013).

Parents play an especially important role. Students who bully online are more likely to report poor parent-child relationships and a lack of parental monitoring of online behavior (Ybarra & Mitchell; 2004).

This blog entry focused on the “why” of cyberbullying, and it is important to answer this question as a step toward developing interventions to stop it from occurring. It is obviously equally important to explore what you can do to help the targets of cyberbullying, but that is a topic for another blog. In the meantime, check out the following link, which provides a tip sheet to help kids learn how to best respond to cyberbullying:http://cyberbullying.us/Top_Ten_Tips_Teens_Response.pdf(link is external)

Dr. Michelle Demaray is a professor of psychology at Northern Illinois University. She is in the School Psychology Program and teaches courses in child development, assessment of emotional and behavior issues in children and adolescents, and professional issues in school psychology. Her research interests include social support, and bullying and victimization in schools.

References

Hinduja, S., & Patchin, J.W. (2013). Social Influences on Cyberbullying Behaviors Among Middle and High School Students. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 42, 711-722.

Mishna, F., Cook, C., Gadalla, T., Daciuk, J., & Solomon, S. (2010). Cyber Bullying Behaviors Among Middle and High School Students. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 80, 362-374. doi: 10.1111/j.1939-0025.2010.01040.x.

Sourander, A., Klomek, A.B., Ikonen, M., Lindroos, J., Luntamo, T, Koskelainen, M., Ristkari, T., & Helenius, H. (2010). Psychosocial Risk Factors Associated With Cyberbullying Amond Adolescents: A Population-Based Study. Archives of GeneralPsychiatry, 67, 720-728. doi:10.1001/archgenpsychiatry.2010.79.

Steffgen, G., Konig, A., Pfetsch, J., & Melzer, A. (2011). Are Cyberbullies Less Empathic? Adolescents’ Cyberbullying Behavior and Empathic Responsiveness. CyberPsychology, Behavior & Social Networking, 14, 643-648. doi: 10.1089/cyber.2010.0445.

Twyman, K., Saylor, C., Taylor, L.A., & Comeaux, C. (2010). Comparing Children and Adolescents Engaged in Cyberbullying to Matched Peers. CyberPsychology, Behavior & Social Networking, 13, 195-199. doi:10.1089/cyber.2009.0137.

Wang, J., Ianotti, R.J., & Luk, J.W. (2012). Patterns of adolescent bullying behaviors: Physical, verbal, exclusion, rumor, and cyber. Journal of School Psychology, 50, 521-534. doi: 10.1016/j.jsp.2012.03.004.

Ybarra, M.L., & Mitchell, K.J. (2004). Youth engaging in online harassment: associations with caregiver-child relationships, Internet use, and personal characteristics. Journal of Adolescence, 27, 319-336. doi: 10.1016/j.adolescence.2004.03.007.

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Angela Grippo, Ph.D., is an assistant professor of psychology at Northern Illinois University.

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