Green Eyed Monster

It grabs you silently by the heart

Gives you a sudden start.

Fending off yet another

Possible, maybe lover.

Sexting, email all are suspect

Loss of all your own self-respect.

Chase them down give them misery

Such is your sad history.

Look in the mirror long and hard

Shatter your love shard by shard.

Can’t admit it is he that he cheated

and made your love defeated.

The list goes on and on it seems

Shatters all your dreams.

The spikey tail of jealousy and its’ sting

You cannot cope, you cannot bring

Yourself to understand your love

Is not a sweet and gentle dove

But a poorly disguised rat

and it isn’t the others that

Betrayed you.

Dismayed you.

It was the viper in your breast

That destroyed your little nest.

 

 

Why don’t they see the truth.

betrayed by love

A sociopath and a narcissist are masters at acting. When they are reeling you in you are the most wonderful, smartest gorgeous thing they have ever known. They live for your every breath, they are your slave. Whether they are a friend or lover they are the absolute best there is. Of course they are they are playing out your every fantasy. With an uncanny ability to see the vulnerable parts of you they hone in on those and mirror the very fantasy you are living in your head. We all have those. We want to be smart, beautiful, unbelievably sexy, the world in which they revolve and orbit. They practice it from the time they are children to manipulate the world they live in. The world to them is just their playpen. The people but dolls to use like Barbie and Ken. They have little to no feelings so they need to project them onto victims. Thrills and feelings are very hard for them to achieve. That is why a lot of them practice BDSM and other sexual practices. It is the only way they can feel. All you are to them is a vehicle to get satisfaction in a world that holds little for them.

They are also very good at being a victim. Their last relationship. Oh they are heartbroken, defeated need your love to be whole again. They were abused, cheated on.  You will never meet them. You will never really know the truth.

Then they will isolate you. You are the object of their adoration. Why would you need anyone but them. They might even use money as a tool. If they have it they talk you into giving up work, a career anything to make you more dependent. Once you are then they turn because you are now trapped.

Why do people fall for this? Because they can sniff out the needy, vulnerable and empathetic. They use those traits to pull you in. They feed on them much as a vampire does on the blood of their victims. Even if you don’t have those traits are a strong being they know what is missing they are like blood hounds on the hunt. Everyone has a vulnerability. It could just be a curiosity about an alternative lifestyle. Once they click on that they have you. They can now use this information to embarrass and destroy you.

Part of the entertainment value of the victim is also in destroying them. You need to be destroyed to make them a victim in someone else’s eyes. I had a friend like this she fooled me and she fooled a lot of other people. Looking back I am appalled at how much I believed. I really thought she was a friend for life. When I saw the truth and disengaged from her I was attacked and she attempted to destroy me, my reputation and also that of my friends. She used other people to get to all of my friends as well and destroy them when they saw through her act. It happens.

So let this be a cautionary tale. That person you just made friends with is sending gifts, giving fabulous compliments? Could be they are really nice people. It could also so be they are sociopaths or narcissists. It is easy to fall in their traps. Look at their past relationships. Did they part quietly? Are they still friends with exes or are they on a path to destroy them?

Before you judge the victims of narcissists and sociopaths look deep inside. We all have psychic wounds, needs what makes you so different?

You can stop bullying

cyber bully quote

Bullying of any kind is wrong but why do people do it? We all say we are against it but how many of you out there have said an unkind word about someone else? Why did you? All of us are guilty of bullying or being unkind sometime in our lives. If you gossip about others what are your children hearing? That it is ok to talk about others? To say things about how they are dressed, live, talk or their physical appearance? Think before you talk. If you see bullying online speak up don’t jump in and add to it. No matter who they are. People jump into situations when they have no clue why someone is doing or saying the things they do. Particularly online. It can be just a personal feud you are jumping into. The person you are defending may be lying. Denigrating and bringing others down is just plain wrong. So if you say you are against bullying make sure you aren’t guilty of the same behavior just under another name.

Children who bully others have seen it at home. Perhaps they are bullied where they should feel safe. Ever told your child things like “you are stupid” “you need to eat more of that?” “too bad you aren’t pretty” “sigh you are really dumb aren’t you”.

We all say things to each other in frustration but we need the 10 second rule. Think about what you say before you say it. Young people today are surrounded by bullying. They see violence everywhere, they have access to text, facetime, Facebook, Instagram as well. Do your kids use these? Do you know who they are talking to and what they are saying?? It is really frightening the number of parents who have no clue what their children are doing online. Are they bullies or victims? Find out before it is too late. Sit your children down and explain why bullying is wrong. You hold the key to your childs future. Bullying can have long term effects they can grow up to be shy and withdrawn or in the case of the bully they can become more aggressive as the high they feel from attacking others gets less and less. There is a lot of information out there. Get involved. See if there is an antibullying forum in your town or city or school.

Civilized people don’t bully. It needs to stop.

cyber bully dog

 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/United-Against-RIP-Trolls-and-Cyberbullies/217265875028974?fref=nf

One of the many antibullying pages on Facebook. Support them.

 

From Psychology Today

A significant number of youths are the victims of bullying, and the topic has been studied for decades. But online or cyberbullying is a newer phenomenon. It is a significant and growing problem, with reports indicating that up to 50 percent of school-aged children experience bullying via technology (Mishna, Cook, Gadall, Daciuk, & Solomon, 2010). For victims of cyberbullying, research has identified a wide variety of negative outcomes, including social, emotional, and academic problems.

Bullying (both traditional and cyber) is aggressive behavior that is repetitive, intentional, and occurs between two individuals with unequal amounts of power (e.g., physical size, age, social status). Bullying can take many different forms, including physical (e.g., hitting), verbal (e.g., name calling), and relational (e.g., excluding someone or spreading rumors). Young people engaged in bullying participate in different roles, including the victim and the bully, and there are a percentage of kids who are involved in the behavior as both a bully and a victim (bully-victims).

Cyberbullies use electronics, such as cell phones and computers. And, unlike traditional face-to-face bullying, the bully can be anonymous. The ability to be anonymous might increase the likelihood that youths will engage in the behavior. Furthermore, a cyberbully does not necessarily see the reaction of the victim, making it easier to engage in mean behaviors.

Cyberbullying potentially can be more upsetting for the victim because the bullying behavior might include a wider audience and be more permanent. For example, a harassing picture can be sent to a large group of people or posted somewhere for people to view for a long period of time. Cybervictims also can have a more difficult time escaping from the bullying. With traditional bullying, the victim might be able to leave the situation, but fleeing isn’t an option in the virtual world, where mean comments or pictures exist online or on technology.

The reasons and factors that influence students to engage in bullying online are multiple and complex.

Some studies have found that youth who bully face-to-face are also likely to engage in online bullying (e.g., Wang, Ianotti, & Luk, 2012). Thus, if a youth is bullying someone in person they might also be bullying others online. However, a significant proportion of individuals who bully online do not bully in face-to-face situations (Twyman, Saylor, Taylor, & Comeaux, 2010).

Other research has found that young people who engage in cyberbullying have lessempathy (defined as sharing another person’s emotional state) than students not involved in cyberbullying (Steffgen, Konig, Pfetsch, & Melzer, 2010). In a large study, 40 percent of students who engaged in online bullying reported not feeling anything after bullying online, while only 16 percent of the cyberbullies reported feeling guilty. Moreover, some students reported online bullying made them feel “funny, popular, and powerful” (Mishna et al., 2010).

Adolescent cyberbullies have been found to engage in other problematic behaviors as well. For example, they have been found to be more likely to engage in substance abuseand have higher levels of participation in school violence (Sourander et al., 2010; Wang, Iannotti, and Luk, 2012).

Peers, teachers, and parents also can influence the likelihood that a youth will engage in bullying online. Young people who believe other students are bullying online are more likely to engage in the behavior themselves. In addition, adolescents who believe the adults in their lives will punish them for bullying online are less likely to engage in the behavior (Hinduja & Patchin, 2013).

Parents play an especially important role. Students who bully online are more likely to report poor parent-child relationships and a lack of parental monitoring of online behavior (Ybarra & Mitchell; 2004).

This blog entry focused on the “why” of cyberbullying, and it is important to answer this question as a step toward developing interventions to stop it from occurring. It is obviously equally important to explore what you can do to help the targets of cyberbullying, but that is a topic for another blog. In the meantime, check out the following link, which provides a tip sheet to help kids learn how to best respond to cyberbullying:http://cyberbullying.us/Top_Ten_Tips_Teens_Response.pdf(link is external)

Dr. Michelle Demaray is a professor of psychology at Northern Illinois University. She is in the School Psychology Program and teaches courses in child development, assessment of emotional and behavior issues in children and adolescents, and professional issues in school psychology. Her research interests include social support, and bullying and victimization in schools.

References

Hinduja, S., & Patchin, J.W. (2013). Social Influences on Cyberbullying Behaviors Among Middle and High School Students. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 42, 711-722.

Mishna, F., Cook, C., Gadalla, T., Daciuk, J., & Solomon, S. (2010). Cyber Bullying Behaviors Among Middle and High School Students. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 80, 362-374. doi: 10.1111/j.1939-0025.2010.01040.x.

Sourander, A., Klomek, A.B., Ikonen, M., Lindroos, J., Luntamo, T, Koskelainen, M., Ristkari, T., & Helenius, H. (2010). Psychosocial Risk Factors Associated With Cyberbullying Amond Adolescents: A Population-Based Study. Archives of GeneralPsychiatry, 67, 720-728. doi:10.1001/archgenpsychiatry.2010.79.

Steffgen, G., Konig, A., Pfetsch, J., & Melzer, A. (2011). Are Cyberbullies Less Empathic? Adolescents’ Cyberbullying Behavior and Empathic Responsiveness. CyberPsychology, Behavior & Social Networking, 14, 643-648. doi: 10.1089/cyber.2010.0445.

Twyman, K., Saylor, C., Taylor, L.A., & Comeaux, C. (2010). Comparing Children and Adolescents Engaged in Cyberbullying to Matched Peers. CyberPsychology, Behavior & Social Networking, 13, 195-199. doi:10.1089/cyber.2009.0137.

Wang, J., Ianotti, R.J., & Luk, J.W. (2012). Patterns of adolescent bullying behaviors: Physical, verbal, exclusion, rumor, and cyber. Journal of School Psychology, 50, 521-534. doi: 10.1016/j.jsp.2012.03.004.

Ybarra, M.L., & Mitchell, K.J. (2004). Youth engaging in online harassment: associations with caregiver-child relationships, Internet use, and personal characteristics. Journal of Adolescence, 27, 319-336. doi: 10.1016/j.adolescence.2004.03.007.

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The Wide Wide World of Psychology

Research, applied and basic
Joseph Magliano, Ph.D.

Joseph Magliano, Ph.D., is a Professor of Psychology and Director of the Center for the Interdisciplinary Study of Language and Literacy at Northern Illinois University.

Angela Grippo, Ph.D.

Angela Grippo, Ph.D., is an assistant professor of psychology at Northern Illinois University.

David Bridgett, Ph.D.

David Bridgett, Ph.D., is an assistant professor of psychology at Northern Illinois University.

 

The brain

 

brain

 

Ah the brain, magnificent functioning machine of man. Having discussed different mental disorders in this blog I thought I would delve into where it is all happening. The mysterious brain.

From Web MD

brain schematic

The brain is one of the largest and most complex organs in the human body.
It is made up of more than 100 billion nerves that communicate in trillions of connections called synapses.

The brain is made up of many specialized areas that work together:
• The cortex is the outermost layer of brain cells. Thinking and voluntary movements begin in the cortex.
• The brain stem is between the spinal cord and the rest of the brain. Basic functions like breathing and sleep are controlled here.
• The basal ganglia are a cluster of structures in the center of the brain. The basal ganglia coordinate messages between multiple other brain areas.
• The cerebellum is at the base and the back of the brain. The cerebellum is responsible for coordination and balance.

The brain is also divided into several lobes:
• The frontal lobes are responsible for problem solving and judgment and motor function.
• The parietal lobes manage sensation, handwriting, and body position.
• The temporal lobes are involved with memory and hearing.
• The occipital lobes contain the brain’s visual processing system.

The brain is surrounded by a layer of tissue called the meninges. The skull (cranium) helps protect the brain from injury.

My conjecture:

The brain is one of the most complex organs in nature. There are so many bits and pieces that something going wrong easily exists. In some mentally ill people some portions of the brain do not fire. Others misfire.In those cases reality isn’t real any more. Actually reality isn’t real it is made up of all sorts of bits and pieces of information we sort out in the brain. Don’t believe me? Pick an incident from childhood and compare your memory of it to your siblings or parents. We all see reality differently so which is the real?

http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/2604

Here is a link with research into that subject if you would like further information.

So now we find through research that the brain’s reality is different from what actually happened. How is that different for someone that is mentally ill and how exactly do we determine who is mentally ill or who is just seeing reality differently from us which means everyone?? My definition is that if someone’s internal mental life keeps them from enjoying a full experience in life then it could be determined to be a mental illness and need some sort of help coping. Otherwise we are all just different. There are also malformations of the brain that lead to other psychological issues. So many things make up who we are.

seratonin schematic

http://psychcentral.com/news/2006/11/09/depressions-chemical-imbalance-explained/398.html

Another influence on our thinking is chemistry. In order for our brains to function correctly they need neurotransmitters. That is brain chemistry. People suffering from depression and there is a huge percentage of the population that do have a deficiency in those chemicals that control mood. Here is an article about that subject as well.

One of my readers asked very intelligently how I came to some of my conclusions. I am not a doctor I am just a very avid follower and investigator of mental issues. So much research needs to be done in this field and I am pleased to see it is ongoing. Hope that this little article clears up what I am using to form my opinions. If you disagree with any of them please I would love to discuss it with you. Through discussion we learn more. If we discuss these issues they come out of the closet where they never should have been in the first place. Thanks for reading!!!

 

 

Exhibitionist

Exhibitionist

I wonder what it is about social media that brings out the exhibitionist in some people. It can really become cringe worthy after awhile. So here is my rant about how much is too much to post.

Profile pictures seem to be just everything. I saw one with two men’s bare rear ends on a woman’s profile. Another had a BDSM picture of a woman. Now these profile pictures can be seen by anyone on the internet. They don’t last very long as they are sometimes so offensive they get reported and taken down like these two were. No one cares about your freaky sex life except for your significant other and maybe a couple hundred of your social media friends. Please share it with them not the rest of us. I have seen naked men’s butts they are hairy and do not make good profile pictures.

There seems to be a lack of a filter of common sense with some of the stuff that is posted. Personal stuff about relations, affairs, sexual proclivities. All on a public profile. People there is a little button you can click to make these things to your friends only. One assumes your friends are into the same sort of fun. That is fine I like a bit of spice as well as another person I just would choose not to share it with the world. If you are being cheated on dump them or keep them it is up to you but don’t discuss it with the rest of us. Honestly it is your PERSONAL problem. Think they cheated with someone else. Deal with them don’t drag out your ridiculous drama all over for others to see. Besides nobody can take someone else unless they want to go WAKE UP!

Some also put every picture they can post publicly of their children. Pedophiles are rampant on the internet. Why you would put those pictures for every stranger on social media is totally beyond me. Again try that little button. Share your wonderful kids, pets etc. with your friends people that you supposedly have some idea who they are. Also bear in mind that your pictures can be copied and used in places you probably don’t want them to be. You don’t want to see that wonderful picture of your children on some pedophile site.

Another older lady put where her city was and posted a huge diamond ring to brag to the world about her station in life. No doubt her name and address is in the local phone book. I only hope she has an alarm system in her house. She is going to need it. People put all kinds of personal information on their profiles including where they work and live. Social media is a stalkers paradise. Don’t feed them the information to stalk you unless you really need friends that badly.

Recently the US military informed their members that ISIS is stalking social media to find military members to attack. Don’t put your unit and pictures in uniform on your page. We know you are proud to be US military. We are proud of you too but want you to remain safe so use a filter. Make your profile as private as possible.

The rest of us also don’t want to know every detail about your personal life. Share your medical problems with your friends and family or don’t that is even better. People tire of that after awhile as they do all the poor me posts you put on your social media. The bottom line is use some common sense. There are almost a billion people on Facebook alone. Do you really want everyone of them to know your business???

tmi social media

Stay safe everyone. Think about what you post.

Sociopathic Lying Pseudologia Fantastica and Mythomania

Liars shaw

In psychiatry, pathological lying (also called compulsive lying, pseudologia fantastica and mythomania) is a behavior of habitual or compulsive lying.It was first described in the medical literature in 1891 by Anton Delbrueck. Pathological lying has been defined as “falsification entirely disproportionate to any discernible end in view, may be extensive and very complicated, and may manifest over a period of years or even a lifetime”. The individual may be aware they are lying, or may believe they are telling the truth, being unaware that they are relating fantasies.

Little has been written about pathological lying but studies show that it has a prevalence of almost 1 in 1,000. It usually starts with juveniles at the age of 16 years. 30% have has a chaotic home environment where a parent or family member had a mental disturbance.

The stories told are usually dazzling or fantastical, but never breach the limits of plausibility, which is key to the pathological liar’s tack. The tales are not a manifestation of delusion or some broader type of psychosis; upon confrontation, the teller can admit them to be untrue, even if unwillingly.
The fabricative tendency is chronic; it is not provoked by the immediate situation or social pressure so much as it is an innate trait of the personality. There is some element of dyscontrol present.
A definitely internal, not an external, motive for the behavior can be discerned clinically: e.g., long-lasting extortion or habitual spousal battery might cause a person to lie repeatedly, without the lying being a pathological symptom.
The stories told tend toward presenting the liar favorably. The liar decorates their own person by telling stories that present them as the hero or the victim. For example, the person might be presented as being fantastically brave, as knowing or being related to many famous people, or as having great power, position, or wealth.It can also portray them as a victim of diabolical plots.

Pathological lying may also present as false memory syndrome, where the sufferer genuinely believes that fictitious (imagined) events have taken place. Sometimes when the lie gets a life of it’s own the sufferer begins to believe the delusion them selves.

Because pathological lying has not been recognized as a disorder it can be difficult to diagnose. There are many other disorders that can account for it such as Psychopathy, antisocial, borderline, narcissistic and histrionic disorders.

When a lie detector is used it can show that the pseudologia fantastica patients exhibit arousal, stress and guilt from the deception. Psychopaths have none of these reactions.

PF sufferers often lie because they think their lives are boring and they need to make themselves more interesting. Pathological lying is also Factor 1 in the Hare Psychopathy checklist.

People need to be aware of these personalities as they can wreck their own and others lives with their stories. Reputations and relations suffer greatly because of them. So in conclusion if the lie seems fantastic it probably is. Always question the reasons behind the story. Sometimes things just aren’t what they seem and Narcissists and Sociopaths are very good at all of this. It is used quite often in social media to boost the pathological liars status among their friends. Also in real life these lies can be used to denigrate others and show the pathological liar in a more favorable light.

Fantasy Land

fantasy_land_by_designdiva3-d53njvn

Doing the research on this blog made me start thinking about people that live in a Fantasy Land. Fantasists are in the Narcissist, Sociopath and even the Borderline Personality. It made me wonder why even when these people are shown that their ideas are just not probable or even possible they still cling to them. Fantastic ideas become their entire world as real as unicorns and pixies these ideas become fact to them. Why? What kind of mind is it that cannot see reality? Well low and behold there is a mental condition for that too!

The FANTASY PRONE PERSONALITY

This is a personality in which a person has a lifelong extensive involvement in fantasy. It can also be described as an “overactive imagination”. Someone with this trait is termed a “fantasizer”.  They often have difficulty in differentiating between fantasy and reality. They may also have other self-suggested psychosomatic symptoms. This can also be a trait of the Narcissist as they live in their own world constructed and ruled by them.

They may have dissaociation and sexual fantasies. People with FPP are reported to spend over half their time fantasizing or daydreaming. They often mix these fantasies with real memories.

CHARATERISTICS

1. Excellent hypnotic subject (most but not always)

2. having imaginary childhood friends

3. often fantasizing in childhood

4. having a fantasy identity

5. experiencing imagined sensations as real

6. vivid sensory perceptions

7. reputed paranormal experiences (claiming psychic powers, encountering apparitions,being able to cast spells, having out of body experiences and other like events)

8. mystical experiences

9. believe they have special powers

10. Hypnotic hallucinations (waking dreams)

11. receiving sexual satisfaction without physical stimulation

The childhood is often spent in fantasy with dolls etc being perceived as real and encouraged by adults in the child’s life.

Some of the implications of this personality are:

1. false pregnancy

2. Maladaptive daydreaming

3. Parapsychology

I found this extremely interesting and it explains a lot about the Narcissistic preoccupation with self. Perhaps it will help explain why they cannot see beyond themselves. They live in a fantasy world only occupied with themselves and their perceptions. Reality seldom comes into it.

 

 

Facebook Fascination

Betty White FB

via Funny Facebook Banners – Bing Images.

Facebook 1.35 BILLION active users, 72% of adults are on Facebook once a month, active daily users 864 million. What is the draw? How come we spend so much time on that site? Whole communities are alive and are busy every day. Some of our friends there are more real than the ones in real life. Is it because we can really be what we want? Share as much or as little as we want to? Express ourselves? Get validation from people when we don’t get it that much from the world around us?

MySpace once the juggernaut of social media now is a music sharing social network. Google + seems to not really encourage social interaction that I can see. Many other social networks have sprung up and yet Facebook remains the standard and the leader. Even after policies which have made it less social, the pushing of Fan pages which really are worthless in a social environment. People who at one time could be their pets or other characters must now use their “real” names. Never mind that most of them are made up. Some can have three or four in their “real” names just by changing them around a bit and getting a new email account.

Since going public with shareholders the advertising has really run amok. Posts pop up in the middle of news feeds selling things that Facebook from watching you thinks you want. It is all getting a bit creepy really. My news now is coming from “pages” that I have no idea who is behind them. Pages allow people to hide behind them. You can say or insinuate anything you want to from a page. The truth usually has nothing to do with it. Hideous things are on pages but because of “free speech” they are allowed to infiltrate the Facebook experience.

Bullies do what ever they want, attack anyone they want, take pictures from peoples profiles and use them without any permission. I will no longer publish any pictures of myself as they have been used to attack me. It has happened to several of my friends as well. Nothing is done.

Sooner or later there will be another social network. One where once again we can be social unmolested by people that get their kicks from denigrating others. Remember when AOL was the only browser around?? It is only a matter of time before Facebook is challenged. I doubt they really care. They now have their advertising engine which will keep chugging around with or without most of us. Younger people are already leaving in droves for Snapchat, Instagram and others. It will be very interesting to see what the future brings.