Black Heart

black lady secrets

She had a black heart,

Black as coal.

Cold as a moonless winter.

Wrapped it around her victims,

Strangled them left them for dead.

But they rose up

Sent her an evil lover

To wrap his dark mind around hers,

Rip out what was left of her black heart.

and he left her as a voiceless puddle,

Slowly oozing into the sewer. 

Such are the rewards of such a heart.

Guard yourself well 

Before you join her.

 

 

Nothing but a ghost

No heart has she,

Her soul is blank.

Empty as the sea,

dark and rank.

She lives in misery,

In swamps of hate.

There is no mystery,

of her soulless state.

She sucks the life

leaves nothing but venom.

Twists the knife

Into her victim.

Yet the joke you see is on her

Who she pains the most,

Emptiness to endure,

When you are nothing but a ghost.

 

Why don’t they see the truth.

betrayed by love

A sociopath and a narcissist are masters at acting. When they are reeling you in you are the most wonderful, smartest gorgeous thing they have ever known. They live for your every breath, they are your slave. Whether they are a friend or lover they are the absolute best there is. Of course they are they are playing out your every fantasy. With an uncanny ability to see the vulnerable parts of you they hone in on those and mirror the very fantasy you are living in your head. We all have those. We want to be smart, beautiful, unbelievably sexy, the world in which they revolve and orbit. They practice it from the time they are children to manipulate the world they live in. The world to them is just their playpen. The people but dolls to use like Barbie and Ken. They have little to no feelings so they need to project them onto victims. Thrills and feelings are very hard for them to achieve. That is why a lot of them practice BDSM and other sexual practices. It is the only way they can feel. All you are to them is a vehicle to get satisfaction in a world that holds little for them.

They are also very good at being a victim. Their last relationship. Oh they are heartbroken, defeated need your love to be whole again. They were abused, cheated on.  You will never meet them. You will never really know the truth.

Then they will isolate you. You are the object of their adoration. Why would you need anyone but them. They might even use money as a tool. If they have it they talk you into giving up work, a career anything to make you more dependent. Once you are then they turn because you are now trapped.

Why do people fall for this? Because they can sniff out the needy, vulnerable and empathetic. They use those traits to pull you in. They feed on them much as a vampire does on the blood of their victims. Even if you don’t have those traits are a strong being they know what is missing they are like blood hounds on the hunt. Everyone has a vulnerability. It could just be a curiosity about an alternative lifestyle. Once they click on that they have you. They can now use this information to embarrass and destroy you.

Part of the entertainment value of the victim is also in destroying them. You need to be destroyed to make them a victim in someone else’s eyes. I had a friend like this she fooled me and she fooled a lot of other people. Looking back I am appalled at how much I believed. I really thought she was a friend for life. When I saw the truth and disengaged from her I was attacked and she attempted to destroy me, my reputation and also that of my friends. She used other people to get to all of my friends as well and destroy them when they saw through her act. It happens.

So let this be a cautionary tale. That person you just made friends with is sending gifts, giving fabulous compliments? Could be they are really nice people. It could also so be they are sociopaths or narcissists. It is easy to fall in their traps. Look at their past relationships. Did they part quietly? Are they still friends with exes or are they on a path to destroy them?

Before you judge the victims of narcissists and sociopaths look deep inside. We all have psychic wounds, needs what makes you so different?

You can stop bullying

cyber bully quote

Bullying of any kind is wrong but why do people do it? We all say we are against it but how many of you out there have said an unkind word about someone else? Why did you? All of us are guilty of bullying or being unkind sometime in our lives. If you gossip about others what are your children hearing? That it is ok to talk about others? To say things about how they are dressed, live, talk or their physical appearance? Think before you talk. If you see bullying online speak up don’t jump in and add to it. No matter who they are. People jump into situations when they have no clue why someone is doing or saying the things they do. Particularly online. It can be just a personal feud you are jumping into. The person you are defending may be lying. Denigrating and bringing others down is just plain wrong. So if you say you are against bullying make sure you aren’t guilty of the same behavior just under another name.

Children who bully others have seen it at home. Perhaps they are bullied where they should feel safe. Ever told your child things like “you are stupid” “you need to eat more of that?” “too bad you aren’t pretty” “sigh you are really dumb aren’t you”.

We all say things to each other in frustration but we need the 10 second rule. Think about what you say before you say it. Young people today are surrounded by bullying. They see violence everywhere, they have access to text, facetime, Facebook, Instagram as well. Do your kids use these? Do you know who they are talking to and what they are saying?? It is really frightening the number of parents who have no clue what their children are doing online. Are they bullies or victims? Find out before it is too late. Sit your children down and explain why bullying is wrong. You hold the key to your childs future. Bullying can have long term effects they can grow up to be shy and withdrawn or in the case of the bully they can become more aggressive as the high they feel from attacking others gets less and less. There is a lot of information out there. Get involved. See if there is an antibullying forum in your town or city or school.

Civilized people don’t bully. It needs to stop.

cyber bully dog

 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/United-Against-RIP-Trolls-and-Cyberbullies/217265875028974?fref=nf

One of the many antibullying pages on Facebook. Support them.

 

From Psychology Today

A significant number of youths are the victims of bullying, and the topic has been studied for decades. But online or cyberbullying is a newer phenomenon. It is a significant and growing problem, with reports indicating that up to 50 percent of school-aged children experience bullying via technology (Mishna, Cook, Gadall, Daciuk, & Solomon, 2010). For victims of cyberbullying, research has identified a wide variety of negative outcomes, including social, emotional, and academic problems.

Bullying (both traditional and cyber) is aggressive behavior that is repetitive, intentional, and occurs between two individuals with unequal amounts of power (e.g., physical size, age, social status). Bullying can take many different forms, including physical (e.g., hitting), verbal (e.g., name calling), and relational (e.g., excluding someone or spreading rumors). Young people engaged in bullying participate in different roles, including the victim and the bully, and there are a percentage of kids who are involved in the behavior as both a bully and a victim (bully-victims).

Cyberbullies use electronics, such as cell phones and computers. And, unlike traditional face-to-face bullying, the bully can be anonymous. The ability to be anonymous might increase the likelihood that youths will engage in the behavior. Furthermore, a cyberbully does not necessarily see the reaction of the victim, making it easier to engage in mean behaviors.

Cyberbullying potentially can be more upsetting for the victim because the bullying behavior might include a wider audience and be more permanent. For example, a harassing picture can be sent to a large group of people or posted somewhere for people to view for a long period of time. Cybervictims also can have a more difficult time escaping from the bullying. With traditional bullying, the victim might be able to leave the situation, but fleeing isn’t an option in the virtual world, where mean comments or pictures exist online or on technology.

The reasons and factors that influence students to engage in bullying online are multiple and complex.

Some studies have found that youth who bully face-to-face are also likely to engage in online bullying (e.g., Wang, Ianotti, & Luk, 2012). Thus, if a youth is bullying someone in person they might also be bullying others online. However, a significant proportion of individuals who bully online do not bully in face-to-face situations (Twyman, Saylor, Taylor, & Comeaux, 2010).

Other research has found that young people who engage in cyberbullying have lessempathy (defined as sharing another person’s emotional state) than students not involved in cyberbullying (Steffgen, Konig, Pfetsch, & Melzer, 2010). In a large study, 40 percent of students who engaged in online bullying reported not feeling anything after bullying online, while only 16 percent of the cyberbullies reported feeling guilty. Moreover, some students reported online bullying made them feel “funny, popular, and powerful” (Mishna et al., 2010).

Adolescent cyberbullies have been found to engage in other problematic behaviors as well. For example, they have been found to be more likely to engage in substance abuseand have higher levels of participation in school violence (Sourander et al., 2010; Wang, Iannotti, and Luk, 2012).

Peers, teachers, and parents also can influence the likelihood that a youth will engage in bullying online. Young people who believe other students are bullying online are more likely to engage in the behavior themselves. In addition, adolescents who believe the adults in their lives will punish them for bullying online are less likely to engage in the behavior (Hinduja & Patchin, 2013).

Parents play an especially important role. Students who bully online are more likely to report poor parent-child relationships and a lack of parental monitoring of online behavior (Ybarra & Mitchell; 2004).

This blog entry focused on the “why” of cyberbullying, and it is important to answer this question as a step toward developing interventions to stop it from occurring. It is obviously equally important to explore what you can do to help the targets of cyberbullying, but that is a topic for another blog. In the meantime, check out the following link, which provides a tip sheet to help kids learn how to best respond to cyberbullying:http://cyberbullying.us/Top_Ten_Tips_Teens_Response.pdf(link is external)

Dr. Michelle Demaray is a professor of psychology at Northern Illinois University. She is in the School Psychology Program and teaches courses in child development, assessment of emotional and behavior issues in children and adolescents, and professional issues in school psychology. Her research interests include social support, and bullying and victimization in schools.

References

Hinduja, S., & Patchin, J.W. (2013). Social Influences on Cyberbullying Behaviors Among Middle and High School Students. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 42, 711-722.

Mishna, F., Cook, C., Gadalla, T., Daciuk, J., & Solomon, S. (2010). Cyber Bullying Behaviors Among Middle and High School Students. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 80, 362-374. doi: 10.1111/j.1939-0025.2010.01040.x.

Sourander, A., Klomek, A.B., Ikonen, M., Lindroos, J., Luntamo, T, Koskelainen, M., Ristkari, T., & Helenius, H. (2010). Psychosocial Risk Factors Associated With Cyberbullying Amond Adolescents: A Population-Based Study. Archives of GeneralPsychiatry, 67, 720-728. doi:10.1001/archgenpsychiatry.2010.79.

Steffgen, G., Konig, A., Pfetsch, J., & Melzer, A. (2011). Are Cyberbullies Less Empathic? Adolescents’ Cyberbullying Behavior and Empathic Responsiveness. CyberPsychology, Behavior & Social Networking, 14, 643-648. doi: 10.1089/cyber.2010.0445.

Twyman, K., Saylor, C., Taylor, L.A., & Comeaux, C. (2010). Comparing Children and Adolescents Engaged in Cyberbullying to Matched Peers. CyberPsychology, Behavior & Social Networking, 13, 195-199. doi:10.1089/cyber.2009.0137.

Wang, J., Ianotti, R.J., & Luk, J.W. (2012). Patterns of adolescent bullying behaviors: Physical, verbal, exclusion, rumor, and cyber. Journal of School Psychology, 50, 521-534. doi: 10.1016/j.jsp.2012.03.004.

Ybarra, M.L., & Mitchell, K.J. (2004). Youth engaging in online harassment: associations with caregiver-child relationships, Internet use, and personal characteristics. Journal of Adolescence, 27, 319-336. doi: 10.1016/j.adolescence.2004.03.007.

Recent Posts in The Wide Wide World of Psychology

The Surprising Psychology of BDSM

Who does it, what do they do, and how does it affect them?

A Look at Effects of Stimulant Treatment on ADHD

Researchers are working to gain a better understanding of long-term impacts.

5 Signs That Sibling Fighting May Be Bullying

How parents can identify a problem and intervene

Unique Considerations for Children Raised by Grandparents

How is a child’s well-being influenced by living with a grandparent?

Parenting a Child with Autism: Resist Pressure, Find Success

For each individual, the journey is unique

Love 2.0, Actually, Is All Around

Micro-moments of shared positive connections might just have health benefits.

The Wide Wide World of Psychology

Research, applied and basic
Joseph Magliano, Ph.D.

Joseph Magliano, Ph.D., is a Professor of Psychology and Director of the Center for the Interdisciplinary Study of Language and Literacy at Northern Illinois University.

Angela Grippo, Ph.D.

Angela Grippo, Ph.D., is an assistant professor of psychology at Northern Illinois University.

David Bridgett, Ph.D.

David Bridgett, Ph.D., is an assistant professor of psychology at Northern Illinois University.

 

Cheating on a narcissist it isn’t just about sex.

cheating text messages

Cheating really has nothing to do with sex it is just a follow through. When a person cheats on you in any way with anyone it is a denial of your relationship. People don’t cheat on people they care about. They just don’t. They are so completely involved with their partner they have no time to play with others. A lot of time cheating starts with just a little flirty hello or Joking around. They can even be close friends of the partner. Then it escalates. Just a little flirt, then a text, lunch when they are at work, drinks when they are with other friends. Then texting little thinking of you messages which leads to sexting then sending compromising photos. Those by the way can be kept forever if the target wishes. The cheater has no control over them any more. Further and further until sometimes a love affair can result even if it is only on the side of the cheater and not on their target.

When you cheat on a narcissist though they cannot ever conceive of the idea that they aren’t enough. That you would dare to find someone else is beyond their comprehension. So if you do find someone that you aren’t a mirror of sometimes you get involved because they really care or you project that on them. Narcissist can be dangerous to cheat on as well as sociopaths as they will never admit that they are not the object of your adoration. They will stop at nothing to get what they want which is you. They may not even want you any more but you have become their property.

Narcissist survivial self denial

If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist and it isn’t working you will need to make a clean break before starting any relationship with a normal person. If you don’t you will put that other person at risk of attack physically or psychologically. After all you would never leave them of your own free will you are theirs all you ever needed is them. It must be the other person that is drawing you away from them. Leaving a narcissist can result in abuse or the claim of abuse can be used in the case of a male target as a weapon. Be ready for those attacks.

Jody Arias is a case in point. How dare he leave she was his, gave her all to him. She claimed her due which was to shoot and stab him into oblivion. Most narcissists are not quite that sociopathic but they think nothing of ruining someone elses reputation even at a whiff of a supposed affair. Don’t put someone else at risk. Also keep all evidence of abuse or to refute any lies they will tell because they will. They have to.

So think about that text you are sending. Is it worth it? Do you really want those kind of pictures to get back to your partner? The pictures you sent? Remember once those are in the ether of the internet or on a phone they are out of your control. Also if you have the type of partner that cheats on you it isn’t worth trying to hold on. You have all ready lost them. A narcissist cheats on you because he can and it is all about them so your feelings really don’t matter.

cheating not about you

Life is too short to be in an unhealthy relationship. If your instincts tell you that your partner is cheating you should listen to them. You deserve better.

Exhibitionist

Exhibitionist

I wonder what it is about social media that brings out the exhibitionist in some people. It can really become cringe worthy after awhile. So here is my rant about how much is too much to post.

Profile pictures seem to be just everything. I saw one with two men’s bare rear ends on a woman’s profile. Another had a BDSM picture of a woman. Now these profile pictures can be seen by anyone on the internet. They don’t last very long as they are sometimes so offensive they get reported and taken down like these two were. No one cares about your freaky sex life except for your significant other and maybe a couple hundred of your social media friends. Please share it with them not the rest of us. I have seen naked men’s butts they are hairy and do not make good profile pictures.

There seems to be a lack of a filter of common sense with some of the stuff that is posted. Personal stuff about relations, affairs, sexual proclivities. All on a public profile. People there is a little button you can click to make these things to your friends only. One assumes your friends are into the same sort of fun. That is fine I like a bit of spice as well as another person I just would choose not to share it with the world. If you are being cheated on dump them or keep them it is up to you but don’t discuss it with the rest of us. Honestly it is your PERSONAL problem. Think they cheated with someone else. Deal with them don’t drag out your ridiculous drama all over for others to see. Besides nobody can take someone else unless they want to go WAKE UP!

Some also put every picture they can post publicly of their children. Pedophiles are rampant on the internet. Why you would put those pictures for every stranger on social media is totally beyond me. Again try that little button. Share your wonderful kids, pets etc. with your friends people that you supposedly have some idea who they are. Also bear in mind that your pictures can be copied and used in places you probably don’t want them to be. You don’t want to see that wonderful picture of your children on some pedophile site.

Another older lady put where her city was and posted a huge diamond ring to brag to the world about her station in life. No doubt her name and address is in the local phone book. I only hope she has an alarm system in her house. She is going to need it. People put all kinds of personal information on their profiles including where they work and live. Social media is a stalkers paradise. Don’t feed them the information to stalk you unless you really need friends that badly.

Recently the US military informed their members that ISIS is stalking social media to find military members to attack. Don’t put your unit and pictures in uniform on your page. We know you are proud to be US military. We are proud of you too but want you to remain safe so use a filter. Make your profile as private as possible.

The rest of us also don’t want to know every detail about your personal life. Share your medical problems with your friends and family or don’t that is even better. People tire of that after awhile as they do all the poor me posts you put on your social media. The bottom line is use some common sense. There are almost a billion people on Facebook alone. Do you really want everyone of them to know your business???

tmi social media

Stay safe everyone. Think about what you post.

Sociopathic Lying Pseudologia Fantastica and Mythomania

Liars shaw

In psychiatry, pathological lying (also called compulsive lying, pseudologia fantastica and mythomania) is a behavior of habitual or compulsive lying.It was first described in the medical literature in 1891 by Anton Delbrueck. Pathological lying has been defined as “falsification entirely disproportionate to any discernible end in view, may be extensive and very complicated, and may manifest over a period of years or even a lifetime”. The individual may be aware they are lying, or may believe they are telling the truth, being unaware that they are relating fantasies.

Little has been written about pathological lying but studies show that it has a prevalence of almost 1 in 1,000. It usually starts with juveniles at the age of 16 years. 30% have has a chaotic home environment where a parent or family member had a mental disturbance.

The stories told are usually dazzling or fantastical, but never breach the limits of plausibility, which is key to the pathological liar’s tack. The tales are not a manifestation of delusion or some broader type of psychosis; upon confrontation, the teller can admit them to be untrue, even if unwillingly.
The fabricative tendency is chronic; it is not provoked by the immediate situation or social pressure so much as it is an innate trait of the personality. There is some element of dyscontrol present.
A definitely internal, not an external, motive for the behavior can be discerned clinically: e.g., long-lasting extortion or habitual spousal battery might cause a person to lie repeatedly, without the lying being a pathological symptom.
The stories told tend toward presenting the liar favorably. The liar decorates their own person by telling stories that present them as the hero or the victim. For example, the person might be presented as being fantastically brave, as knowing or being related to many famous people, or as having great power, position, or wealth.It can also portray them as a victim of diabolical plots.

Pathological lying may also present as false memory syndrome, where the sufferer genuinely believes that fictitious (imagined) events have taken place. Sometimes when the lie gets a life of it’s own the sufferer begins to believe the delusion them selves.

Because pathological lying has not been recognized as a disorder it can be difficult to diagnose. There are many other disorders that can account for it such as Psychopathy, antisocial, borderline, narcissistic and histrionic disorders.

When a lie detector is used it can show that the pseudologia fantastica patients exhibit arousal, stress and guilt from the deception. Psychopaths have none of these reactions.

PF sufferers often lie because they think their lives are boring and they need to make themselves more interesting. Pathological lying is also Factor 1 in the Hare Psychopathy checklist.

People need to be aware of these personalities as they can wreck their own and others lives with their stories. Reputations and relations suffer greatly because of them. So in conclusion if the lie seems fantastic it probably is. Always question the reasons behind the story. Sometimes things just aren’t what they seem and Narcissists and Sociopaths are very good at all of this. It is used quite often in social media to boost the pathological liars status among their friends. Also in real life these lies can be used to denigrate others and show the pathological liar in a more favorable light.