Looks like my stalker would like to see my blog gone. Sorry to disappoint but WP has not removed it. Unlike some people, I have a life that sometimes gets in the way of writing blogs. If you have nothing to do but harass others and denigrate others I guess this is all you have. Sorry to inform you my blog has not been removed it is very much alive. Maybe your blog should find something more interesting than me to discuss.
Friendship is a funny thing. We can know some people all our lives and not make a connection others we meet and click immediately. Makes you wonder what makes those connections. I have some friends I never physically met. I know sounds weird but in this day and age with internet we can make friends from thousands of miles away. In countries we will never visit. Some of them I have met on Facebook I have become very close with and even have started real life friendships. When you meet someone on the internet you first make friends with their inner being. The physicality doesn’t matter. You have no preconceived ideas from what they look like. It is a marvelous tool for those with disabilities that have problems communicating in real life. Several of my friends have different disabilities that I never knew about until we were friends for a long time. Sure people can hide behind a profile but don’t people do that in real life? Put on their social manners? Dress to impress?
I would like to say it doesn’t matter but when you are in the initial stage of getting acquainted you do have preconceived ideas of what people are thinking or what they are able to do. It gets in the way. I am being really honest here. It would be nice if it wasn’t true but we are biologically programmed that way. I have made friends with people that had disabilities in real life too. One of my colleagues was a paraplegic. One of the funniest, smartest young men I ever met. I have several social media friends that have other disabilities I don’t consider them any different than the ones that aren’t challenged physically. A lot of times they are better as they have had to rely on personality and fortitude to get them through. Many of them develop a wicked sense of humor.
One of the problems is that we try to hard to pretend the disabilities don’t exist when we meet people. They do. It is part of what makes them who they are. Usually they are funny, smart, really brave people. Most that I have become friends with won’t let it get in the way of their lives. They want to be treated like everyone else. Why shouldn’t they? Social media makes that possible. For all of us. We can be who we are. I like the idea that people don’t treat me differently because I am older than some. In real life I am a bit shy as well. It isn’t easy for me to trust people and form friendships.
So all in all Social media like Facebook and others allow people to form bonds where they weren’t before. If properly used it can add a lot to people’s lives. So for all my friends I truly treasure you. No matter what the circumstances of us coming together.
Bullying of any kind is wrong but why do people do it? We all say we are against it but how many of you out there have said an unkind word about someone else? Why did you? All of us are guilty of bullying or being unkind sometime in our lives. If you gossip about others what are your children hearing? That it is ok to talk about others? To say things about how they are dressed, live, talk or their physical appearance? Think before you talk. If you see bullying online speak up don’t jump in and add to it. No matter who they are. People jump into situations when they have no clue why someone is doing or saying the things they do. Particularly online. It can be just a personal feud you are jumping into. The person you are defending may be lying. Denigrating and bringing others down is just plain wrong. So if you say you are against bullying make sure you aren’t guilty of the same behavior just under another name.
Children who bully others have seen it at home. Perhaps they are bullied where they should feel safe. Ever told your child things like “you are stupid” “you need to eat more of that?” “too bad you aren’t pretty” “sigh you are really dumb aren’t you”.
We all say things to each other in frustration but we need the 10 second rule. Think about what you say before you say it. Young people today are surrounded by bullying. They see violence everywhere, they have access to text, facetime, Facebook, Instagram as well. Do your kids use these? Do you know who they are talking to and what they are saying?? It is really frightening the number of parents who have no clue what their children are doing online. Are they bullies or victims? Find out before it is too late. Sit your children down and explain why bullying is wrong. You hold the key to your childs future. Bullying can have long term effects they can grow up to be shy and withdrawn or in the case of the bully they can become more aggressive as the high they feel from attacking others gets less and less. There is a lot of information out there. Get involved. See if there is an antibullying forum in your town or city or school.
One of the many antibullying pages on Facebook. Support them.
From Psychology Today
A significant number of youths are the victims of bullying, and the topic has been studied for decades. But online or cyberbullying is a newer phenomenon. It is a significant and growing problem, with reports indicating that up to 50 percent of school-aged children experience bullying via technology (Mishna, Cook, Gadall, Daciuk, & Solomon, 2010). For victims of cyberbullying, research has identified a wide variety of negative outcomes, including social, emotional, and academic problems.
Bullying (both traditional and cyber) is aggressive behavior that is repetitive, intentional, and occurs between two individuals with unequal amounts of power (e.g., physical size, age, social status). Bullying can take many different forms, including physical (e.g., hitting), verbal (e.g., name calling), and relational (e.g., excluding someone or spreading rumors). Young people engaged in bullying participate in different roles, including the victim and the bully, and there are a percentage of kids who are involved in the behavior as both a bully and a victim (bully-victims).
Cyberbullies use electronics, such as cell phones and computers. And, unlike traditional face-to-face bullying, the bully can be anonymous. The ability to be anonymous might increase the likelihood that youths will engage in the behavior. Furthermore, a cyberbully does not necessarily see the reaction of the victim, making it easier to engage in mean behaviors.
Cyberbullying potentially can be more upsetting for the victim because the bullying behavior might include a wider audience and be more permanent. For example, a harassing picture can be sent to a large group of people or posted somewhere for people to view for a long period of time. Cybervictims also can have a more difficult time escaping from the bullying. With traditional bullying, the victim might be able to leave the situation, but fleeing isn’t an option in the virtual world, where mean comments or pictures exist online or on technology.
The reasons and factors that influence students to engage in bullying online are multiple and complex.
Some studies have found that youth who bully face-to-face are also likely to engage in online bullying (e.g., Wang, Ianotti, & Luk, 2012). Thus, if a youth is bullying someone in person they might also be bullying others online. However, a significant proportion of individuals who bully online do not bully in face-to-face situations (Twyman, Saylor, Taylor, & Comeaux, 2010).
Other research has found that young people who engage in cyberbullying have lessempathy (defined as sharing another person’s emotional state) than students not involved in cyberbullying (Steffgen, Konig, Pfetsch, & Melzer, 2010). In a large study, 40 percent of students who engaged in online bullying reported not feeling anything after bullying online, while only 16 percent of the cyberbullies reported feeling guilty. Moreover, some students reported online bullying made them feel “funny, popular, and powerful” (Mishna et al., 2010).
Adolescent cyberbullies have been found to engage in other problematic behaviors as well. For example, they have been found to be more likely to engage in substance abuseand have higher levels of participation in school violence (Sourander et al., 2010; Wang, Iannotti, and Luk, 2012).
Peers, teachers, and parents also can influence the likelihood that a youth will engage in bullying online. Young people who believe other students are bullying online are more likely to engage in the behavior themselves. In addition, adolescents who believe the adults in their lives will punish them for bullying online are less likely to engage in the behavior (Hinduja & Patchin, 2013).
Parents play an especially important role. Students who bully online are more likely to report poor parent-child relationships and a lack of parental monitoring of online behavior (Ybarra & Mitchell; 2004).
This blog entry focused on the “why” of cyberbullying, and it is important to answer this question as a step toward developing interventions to stop it from occurring. It is obviously equally important to explore what you can do to help the targets of cyberbullying, but that is a topic for another blog. In the meantime, check out the following link, which provides a tip sheet to help kids learn how to best respond to cyberbullying:http://cyberbullying.us/Top_Ten_Tips_Teens_Response.pdf(link is external)
Dr. Michelle Demaray is a professor of psychology at Northern Illinois University. She is in the School Psychology Program and teaches courses in child development, assessment of emotional and behavior issues in children and adolescents, and professional issues in school psychology. Her research interests include social support, and bullying and victimization in schools.
Hinduja, S., & Patchin, J.W. (2013). Social Influences on Cyberbullying Behaviors Among Middle and High School Students. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 42, 711-722.
Mishna, F., Cook, C., Gadalla, T., Daciuk, J., & Solomon, S. (2010). Cyber Bullying Behaviors Among Middle and High School Students. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 80, 362-374. doi: 10.1111/j.1939-0025.2010.01040.x.
Sourander, A., Klomek, A.B., Ikonen, M., Lindroos, J., Luntamo, T, Koskelainen, M., Ristkari, T., & Helenius, H. (2010). Psychosocial Risk Factors Associated With Cyberbullying Amond Adolescents: A Population-Based Study. Archives of GeneralPsychiatry, 67, 720-728. doi:10.1001/archgenpsychiatry.2010.79.
Steffgen, G., Konig, A., Pfetsch, J., & Melzer, A. (2011). Are Cyberbullies Less Empathic? Adolescents’ Cyberbullying Behavior and Empathic Responsiveness. CyberPsychology, Behavior & Social Networking, 14, 643-648. doi: 10.1089/cyber.2010.0445.
Twyman, K., Saylor, C., Taylor, L.A., & Comeaux, C. (2010). Comparing Children and Adolescents Engaged in Cyberbullying to Matched Peers. CyberPsychology, Behavior & Social Networking, 13, 195-199. doi:10.1089/cyber.2009.0137.
Wang, J., Ianotti, R.J., & Luk, J.W. (2012). Patterns of adolescent bullying behaviors: Physical, verbal, exclusion, rumor, and cyber. Journal of School Psychology, 50, 521-534. doi: 10.1016/j.jsp.2012.03.004.
Ybarra, M.L., & Mitchell, K.J. (2004). Youth engaging in online harassment: associations with caregiver-child relationships, Internet use, and personal characteristics. Journal of Adolescence, 27, 319-336. doi: 10.1016/j.adolescence.2004.03.007.
Just saw some more mean girl menopausal women gang up and attack another woman on her wall. What is it with Facebook that makes grown women act like they are seventeen year olds still in high school? Are they living out their teen fantasies by doing this stuff? Some of the language is so foul and some of the things that are said could never be repeated in any decent society. Call me naive but I just don’t get what they get out of it. You would think by the time you are an adult you would know better.
Often times these same cyberbullies are the ones that would run and hide in real life. The keyboard makes them brave. They say whatever pops into their heads accusing others of all kinds of vile deeds. Why in the world if you think someone is doing something illegal you wouldn’t go to the police and report it where something could be done I have no clue. Unless there is nothing and it is just a chance to drag others down to your imbecilic level.
Witnessing several of these attacks most of them libelous falsehoods leveled at some really decent people just out of a personal vendetta it makes me wonder about the sanity of these people. What could someone possibly get out of it?
Facebook doesn’t do a thing about it either. Many of these bullies go from victim to victim. It is a game to them to see who they can force out of social media. They are usually sociopaths with no empathy for anyone and this is how they get their thrills. They travel in gangs and attack in packs like wolves.
Real people are behind those profiles with feelings and families. Does it really make them feel better for ruining those people’s lives?? For God’s sake I wish they would grow up and stop it.
Perhaps these cyberbullies are the same ones that in school cause children to become social outcasts. The same ones that are responsible for suicides of the weakest among their victims. I wish people would speak up more against it. Maybe if decent people let them know that this behavior particularly among adults who should know better then it might stop in the schools too. Children mimic adults. What kind of lessons do they get when they see this kind of behavior from adults?? They begin to think it is cool and acceptable. If you have done this search your heart. Do you really want to be that mean girl or an example of kindness to others??
Just think before you post or join in attacking someone. There is a real person behind that screen.
This is only one page on Facebook that seeks to shed light on Sociopaths. There are many others dealing with all sorts of sociopathy. Narcissism, Psychopaths, Sociopaths all have one thing in common. They can use social media to their own ends. With billions of users Facebook is a fertile hunting ground for these people. They can find the vulnerable, the lonely, the naive. If one finds them out it is just on to another one. From the Nigerian scammer to the fake lover that turns out to be a phantom there are all kinds of people just looking to prey on the innocent. Thankfully along with these predators are people that are just the opposite. They fight the lies, the manipulation, the control that sociopaths exert over their prey. For some it becomes too late. Suicide, shame, financial ruin can result from a run in with one of these so educate yourself. Visit the groups and pages. On the internet there is literally thousands of pages of information.
Don’t become a statistic or a victim. Also watch your young people and also the elderly they are a prime target for social predators.
Good luck and stay safe. If you know of any other good sites to add to this please do. There are a lot of victims out there that can use your help. If you see anyone that is being taken advantage of by any of these sorts guide them to this post, the internet anywhere they can see the truth.
I find it really amusing the types on social media that have little fits about things and threaten to leave. In essence like a little kid gathering up their marbles after a fight. I never understood this if you are leaving then leave. It is pretty easy to do just deactivate your Facebook, WP or whatever account you have and be done. Instead they do these whole things about how badly they are treated by so and so that they have to sadly leave all their friends behind it’s been fun but they cannot go on.
It is social media not a march through the dessert to save the lost tribe for heaven’s sake!! On and on they go detailing all their woes. Then the well meaning friends start commenting. Oh please don’t go. Don’t let them get to you. We will miss you can’t you change your mind? Most of the time I comment sorry to hear that best of luck.
Yea I guess that is mean but for heaven’s sake some of these clowns do it over and over again. Yawn. The big soliloquy isn’t necessary this is not a Shakespearean tragedy. Then there are the others that do the whole I am leaving and then deactivate two of their three profiles. Um if you are leaving maybe you should take all your personalities with you. Like nobody notices.
I can understand those that really have had enough. Social media can be a very sad and vicious place if you end up with the wrong people. Here is an idea, drop and block the people that upset you and carry on. If you only have 10 friends then so be it. There is no prize for the most friends. Matter of fact in Facebook if you have too many and get a security check you are in big trouble. You have to identify people by what is on their profile. Hell I have trouble doing that with close friends let alone some yahoo that I friended because their dog is cute.
So if you are going to go then go don’t torture the rest of us with your reasons. If it is that bad why stay any way? Bye.
I wonder what it is about social media that brings out the exhibitionist in some people. It can really become cringe worthy after awhile. So here is my rant about how much is too much to post.
Profile pictures seem to be just everything. I saw one with two men’s bare rear ends on a woman’s profile. Another had a BDSM picture of a woman. Now these profile pictures can be seen by anyone on the internet. They don’t last very long as they are sometimes so offensive they get reported and taken down like these two were. No one cares about your freaky sex life except for your significant other and maybe a couple hundred of your social media friends. Please share it with them not the rest of us. I have seen naked men’s butts they are hairy and do not make good profile pictures.
There seems to be a lack of a filter of common sense with some of the stuff that is posted. Personal stuff about relations, affairs, sexual proclivities. All on a public profile. People there is a little button you can click to make these things to your friends only. One assumes your friends are into the same sort of fun. That is fine I like a bit of spice as well as another person I just would choose not to share it with the world. If you are being cheated on dump them or keep them it is up to you but don’t discuss it with the rest of us. Honestly it is your PERSONAL problem. Think they cheated with someone else. Deal with them don’t drag out your ridiculous drama all over for others to see. Besides nobody can take someone else unless they want to go WAKE UP!
Some also put every picture they can post publicly of their children. Pedophiles are rampant on the internet. Why you would put those pictures for every stranger on social media is totally beyond me. Again try that little button. Share your wonderful kids, pets etc. with your friends people that you supposedly have some idea who they are. Also bear in mind that your pictures can be copied and used in places you probably don’t want them to be. You don’t want to see that wonderful picture of your children on some pedophile site.
Another older lady put where her city was and posted a huge diamond ring to brag to the world about her station in life. No doubt her name and address is in the local phone book. I only hope she has an alarm system in her house. She is going to need it. People put all kinds of personal information on their profiles including where they work and live. Social media is a stalkers paradise. Don’t feed them the information to stalk you unless you really need friends that badly.
Recently the US military informed their members that ISIS is stalking social media to find military members to attack. Don’t put your unit and pictures in uniform on your page. We know you are proud to be US military. We are proud of you too but want you to remain safe so use a filter. Make your profile as private as possible.
The rest of us also don’t want to know every detail about your personal life. Share your medical problems with your friends and family or don’t that is even better. People tire of that after awhile as they do all the poor me posts you put on your social media. The bottom line is use some common sense. There are almost a billion people on Facebook alone. Do you really want everyone of them to know your business???
Facebook 1.35 BILLION active users, 72% of adults are on Facebook once a month, active daily users 864 million. What is the draw? How come we spend so much time on that site? Whole communities are alive and are busy every day. Some of our friends there are more real than the ones in real life. Is it because we can really be what we want? Share as much or as little as we want to? Express ourselves? Get validation from people when we don’t get it that much from the world around us?
MySpace once the juggernaut of social media now is a music sharing social network. Google + seems to not really encourage social interaction that I can see. Many other social networks have sprung up and yet Facebook remains the standard and the leader. Even after policies which have made it less social, the pushing of Fan pages which really are worthless in a social environment. People who at one time could be their pets or other characters must now use their “real” names. Never mind that most of them are made up. Some can have three or four in their “real” names just by changing them around a bit and getting a new email account.
Since going public with shareholders the advertising has really run amok. Posts pop up in the middle of news feeds selling things that Facebook from watching you thinks you want. It is all getting a bit creepy really. My news now is coming from “pages” that I have no idea who is behind them. Pages allow people to hide behind them. You can say or insinuate anything you want to from a page. The truth usually has nothing to do with it. Hideous things are on pages but because of “free speech” they are allowed to infiltrate the Facebook experience.
Bullies do what ever they want, attack anyone they want, take pictures from peoples profiles and use them without any permission. I will no longer publish any pictures of myself as they have been used to attack me. It has happened to several of my friends as well. Nothing is done.
Sooner or later there will be another social network. One where once again we can be social unmolested by people that get their kicks from denigrating others. Remember when AOL was the only browser around?? It is only a matter of time before Facebook is challenged. I doubt they really care. They now have their advertising engine which will keep chugging around with or without most of us. Younger people are already leaving in droves for Snapchat, Instagram and others. It will be very interesting to see what the future brings.
This is an excellent article. I just had my narcissist-victim-stalker attack me on a blog yet once again. Stupidly I thought my pictures on Facebook were safe I did do them to friends only. Well one of those friends must not be a friend because there low and behold on her blog is a picture of me, another one of her victims and my clueless husband all being called “haters”. Hate I don’t hate you I think you are a pathetic excuse for a human. How dare we enjoy ourselves at a Garlic Festival the horror!!
The problem with this poor soul is that she is so empty and void of human empathy and emotion she needs to continuously make dramatic posts. Never mind that they are rambling, ridiculous and pointless just keep posting. Well if my photo with my friends having fun at a Garlic Festival of all things makes her life complete I wish her joy in it.
Sorry I am not getting in your drama you really need to find someone that is willing to play along as none of your former victims and former friends turned into your victims are interested any more.
I know that the absence of people paying attention to you is tearing you apart but perhaps you can find a hobby. Maybe that will fill your empty place but we are not going to be your fellow players in the drama of your boring life.
So the point of this post is to not get in their drama. Let them revolve alone in their orbit as that is where they live anyway. Otherwise you will keep being annoyed and sometimes worse attacked physically. This thing lives in another country so at least that is not my concern. I can just continue to enjoy my life with my friends and let her wallow in her misery. Hmmmmmm maybe next stop an Apple Festival I really enjoy the wild life don’t I??
Peace out dear friends hope you have a happy drama free day.