Women in Control – Men as abuse victims

ORIGINAL POST WAS DECEMBER 2014 BUT I THINK WITH THE SHADES OF GRAY MOVIE RELEASE WE NEED TO BE REMINDED THAT ABUSE HAPPENS TO MEN TOO. ABUSE IS ABUSE. WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO CONSENTING ADULTS IS THEIR BUSINESS BUT GLORIFYING IT IS JUST WRONG. THAT MY FRIENDS IS MY OPINION.

bride carrying groom
http://batteredmen.com/batmphil.htm

CDC, DOJ 2010 National Survey:

Men are over 40% of victims of severe physical violence, more often psychologically abused

One of the most taboo subjects in the case of domestic violence and sociopathic control is the man as the victim. Seen as the larger and stronger of a pair they are ashamed to admit that the female is an abuser or a manipulator. Sociopathic and narcissistic women seek these men out. Often the children of controlling mothers the man will look for a dominant female. Abuse starts a lot like it does for females because narcissists and sociopaths use the same tools no matter what gender they are. First it is control. Jealousy of any other relationship they will cause the male counterpart to distance themselves from others. This can be family, friends and even business associates. Once isolated the mind games begin. The man is constantly watched. His cell phone and computer monitored and his place of work scrutinized and watched. If they have hobbies those will also be truncated to give his female more attention. Once control is established the mental and physical abuse will start. Withholding sex would be a first sign it is used as a weapon not as an act of love. Many times these types of women seek out men that are less financially stable than they are and that can also be a form of control. Women also are more likely to use psychological abuse. “What kind of man are you?” “You are bad in bed” “You don’t satisfy me” etc. etc.

More than 830,000 men are victims to domestic violence every year in the US that means a man is battered every 37.8 seconds. This of course pales in comparison to the 1.5 million women each year. Men also tend to not report domestic violence due to shame so who knows what the real statistics are. Anyone no matter what their sex deserves to be battered either physically or mentally. There are over 4,000 domestic violence programs in the US but few of those offer any services to men. Women also have the ability to use the “SYSTEM” to their advantage. They are less likely to be arrested if there is a domestic dispute. Restraining orders are also used as weapons by women. In particular cases where children are involved or property the women will usually get them as the authorities err on the side of caution.

You can just see the Jody Arias case in this country as an extreme example of a woman abuser. In comparison to her victim she was tiny yet murdered him brutally after stalking him for months. He should have run instead he let her in his home.

Here are some tips for men that find themselves in this situation.

1. Never allow yourself to be provoked into retaliation. If you have a violent argument leave.
2. Document everything. Go to your doctor tell him what happened. Take photographs. Get a copy of any police reports.
3. Work with an advocate from a domestic violence program to get a restraining order. This will not only protect you from an abusive partner, but it will allow you to ask for temporary custody of your children in order to protect them.
4. Get counseling and legal advice to begin the healing and distancing yourself from the abusive partner
5. Talk to family and friends to help support you.

Abusers, sociopaths and narcissists are really good at isolating you and making you feel that no one cares. They do.

Anyone can become a victim of mental and or physical abuse. if you are a victim get help.
In the US and Canada call 1-888-7HELPLINE, National Domestic Violence helpline (800-799-SAFE or the TTY for the deaf (800-787-3224. Every call the the NDVH is anonymous. In the UK go to this link http://domesticviolenceuk.org.

20 comments

  1. lbeth1950 · December 16, 2014

    Get out

    Like

  2. marilynmunrow · December 16, 2014

    I see a few people in this description, unfortunately. Some men just will not admit that they need help though from domestic abuse. It seems to be taken as a sign of weakness. In fact, it would be a sign of strength to me, that they can admit that they are scared and undermined at every turn from an abusive wife. Very well blogged.

    Like

  3. marilynmunrow · December 16, 2014

    Reblogged this on Marilyn Munrow and commented:
    I see a few people in this description, unfortunately. Some men just will not admit that they need help though from domestic abuse. It seems to be taken as a sign of weakness. In fact, it would be a sign of strength to me, that they can admit that they are scared and undermined at every turn from an abusive wife. Very well blogged.

    Like

  4. Gale Molinari · December 16, 2014

    Thanks I thought it a subject that needed tackling. Abuse is never right. A controlling spouse can be a real nightmare whichever gender they are.

    Like

  5. Erlinda · December 17, 2014

    I’m gone to convey my little brother, that he should
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    Like

  6. Kaine Andrews · December 17, 2014

    Having been involved in an abusive relationship or two, and having been laughed out of the local resource center for attempting to report and rectify the situation, I would like to say “thank you” for pointing out that it happens to men as well.
    It may occur less frequently, but that doesn’t make it right, or a joke.

    Like

    • Gale Molinari · December 17, 2014

      It seemed to be something that needed to be addressed. Many men are abused some even murdered. Abuse is wrong not matter who it is done to. Society has to start not be accepting and hiding abuse. I hope it helped.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. luckyotter · December 20, 2014

    Your blog just keeps getting better. I don’t know why the female abuser/male victim is so rarely mentioned. The victimized are always assumed to be female, but that’s far from the case. I’m sure part of the problem is men are far less likely to talk about the abuse inflicted on them because they think it makes them “unmanly.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Gale A. Molinari · December 20, 2014

      Thank you. It is reading you and the other bloggers that is improving my writing I think. Many men become victims of narcissistic females and others. Society doesn’t accept them as victims yet teaches young men that if a woman hits you it is ok. It is never ok for anyone to abuse anyone else physically or mentally which is what the woman abuser oftentimes is a master of. People need to speak out and society has to stop accepting abuse in any form. Otherwise we can never call ourselves civilized.

      Like

  8. curepornaddiction · December 20, 2014

    Thank you, Gale. Your poignant post aroused deep emotions in me.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. laura kilty · January 7, 2015

    Brilliant post. More attention needs to be drawn to abuse in all forms and how people can combat it. Thanks for sharing.

    Like

    • Gale A. Molinari · January 7, 2015

      Exactly and it is a taught behavior. People need to be educated that it is unacceptable in any form. Thank you for your comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. M&M, Inc. · January 7, 2015

    Reblogged this on Phoenix Rising From the Ashes and commented:
    I have seen this type of relationship, very sad and hurtful.

    Like

  11. Gale A. Molinari · February 13, 2015

    Reblogged this on galesmind and commented:

    MAKING ABUSE SEXY IS JUST THE WRONG MESSAGE.

    Like

  12. Lisa · May 28, 2015

    There are double standards of retaliating against abusers of the opposite gender. Men are seen as sexist abusers while women are praised and seen as brave, heroic, and courageous. Some people think women abusing men is sexy and empowering for women but it backfires against women.

    Like

    • Gale A. Molinari · May 28, 2015

      Abuse is abuse with males people tend to not believe them and they are brought up to not retaliate. Women abusing men is ugly not sexy. Women standing up for themselves is. You can stand up for yourself without abusing others. No matter what sex they are.

      Like

      • Lisa · May 29, 2015

        If a man retaliates a woman who either sexually or physically abuses him, he would get arrested because it’s considered assault while women can’t get arrested for defending themselves against men in the same manner.

        Like

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