ORIGINAL POST WAS DECEMBER 2014 BUT I THINK WITH THE SHADES OF GRAY MOVIE RELEASE WE NEED TO BE REMINDED THAT ABUSE HAPPENS TO MEN TOO. ABUSE IS ABUSE. WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO CONSENTING ADULTS IS THEIR BUSINESS BUT GLORIFYING IT IS JUST WRONG. THAT MY FRIENDS IS MY OPINION.
CDC, DOJ 2010 National Survey:
Men are over 40% of victims of severe physical violence, more often psychologically abused
One of the most taboo subjects in the case of domestic violence and sociopathic control is the man as the victim. Seen as the larger and stronger of a pair they are ashamed to admit that the female is an abuser or a manipulator. Sociopathic and narcissistic women seek these men out. Often the children of controlling mothers the man will look for a dominant female. Abuse starts a lot like it does for females because narcissists and sociopaths use the same tools no matter what gender they are. First it is control. Jealousy of any other relationship they will cause the male counterpart to distance themselves from others. This can be family, friends and even business associates. Once isolated the mind games begin. The man is constantly watched. His cell phone and computer monitored and his place of work scrutinized and watched. If they have hobbies those will also be truncated to give his female more attention. Once control is established the mental and physical abuse will start. Withholding sex would be a first sign it is used as a weapon not as an act of love. Many times these types of women seek out men that are less financially stable than they are and that can also be a form of control. Women also are more likely to use psychological abuse. “What kind of man are you?” “You are bad in bed” “You don’t satisfy me” etc. etc.
More than 830,000 men are victims to domestic violence every year in the US that means a man is battered every 37.8 seconds. This of course pales in comparison to the 1.5 million women each year. Men also tend to not report domestic violence due to shame so who knows what the real statistics are. Anyone no matter what their sex deserves to be battered either physically or mentally. There are over 4,000 domestic violence programs in the US but few of those offer any services to men. Women also have the ability to use the “SYSTEM” to their advantage. They are less likely to be arrested if there is a domestic dispute. Restraining orders are also used as weapons by women. In particular cases where children are involved or property the women will usually get them as the authorities err on the side of caution.
You can just see the Jody Arias case in this country as an extreme example of a woman abuser. In comparison to her victim she was tiny yet murdered him brutally after stalking him for months. He should have run instead he let her in his home.
Here are some tips for men that find themselves in this situation.
1. Never allow yourself to be provoked into retaliation. If you have a violent argument leave.
2. Document everything. Go to your doctor tell him what happened. Take photographs. Get a copy of any police reports.
3. Work with an advocate from a domestic violence program to get a restraining order. This will not only protect you from an abusive partner, but it will allow you to ask for temporary custody of your children in order to protect them.
4. Get counseling and legal advice to begin the healing and distancing yourself from the abusive partner
5. Talk to family and friends to help support you.
Abusers, sociopaths and narcissists are really good at isolating you and making you feel that no one cares. They do.
Anyone can become a victim of mental and or physical abuse. if you are a victim get help.
In the US and Canada call 1-888-7HELPLINE, National Domestic Violence helpline (800-799-SAFE or the TTY for the deaf (800-787-3224. Every call the the NDVH is anonymous. In the UK go to this link http://domesticviolenceuk.org.